I really don’t know the reason why I’m still up. Ideally, I should either be studying or(/and) sleeping right now but somehow I can’t stop thinking about things. I don’t even know what I’m thinking. It’s either too many thoughts at the same time or I’m completely mistaken that I’m thinking about something when actually, I’m not. A little confusing, it is.
Like, flipping through channels on the television. One thought after the other. Random thoughts which aren’t even related to each other in any possible way. Not even thoughts. Just words floating around in my head, and I try to pull them down together, hoping any of it would make sense. Doesn’t. Just doesn’t. As if I’m trying to match pieces of different puzzles altogether.
Questions. Too many questions.
What am I doing? Why am I doing? What do I want? Is it wrong? What else am I supposed to do? Am I that bad a person? What was I thinking? Was I even thinking at all?
Answers. Just one answer.
I don’t know.
I don’t even know what I’m talking about, anymore.
Tears.
Nothing makes sense. Maybe I need to stop pretending that I’m happy. I’m not sad either, no. I’m just.. okay, you know?
And I want to be okay, being okay. I want everybody else to be okay with me being okay.
Don’t ask me if anything’s wrong. It’s all okay. Everything is, just fine.
P.S.: If something’s wrong, I don’t know it yet.
